apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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