how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
