True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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