I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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