i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
