the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
