Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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