he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize