the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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