I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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