the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
