I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
