I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
