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Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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