I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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