Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
