do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The air taste purple.
Randomize
