Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
