The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
