I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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