So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
