nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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