my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize