I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize