It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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