I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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