I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize