1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize