You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
