I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
