i jhust puked up my retainher.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
