I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
