You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
