Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
