mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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