My liver just broke up with me...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
