It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
