haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
