I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
