i jhust puked up my retainher.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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