I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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