If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
