So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
