she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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