party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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