Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
