Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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