Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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