ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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