There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
