No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
