He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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