time to smoke my breakfast
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
