Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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