When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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