I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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