i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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