i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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