So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
