tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
