I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
