Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
