Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
