ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
