I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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