i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
