my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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