fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
