Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
