I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
