i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
